Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
