i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
