i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
