the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
