I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
