Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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