i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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