i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
