i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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