nut hugger
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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