My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
