I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
