I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
