so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
