New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
