I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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