My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
