If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize