Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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