wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
