she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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