how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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