When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
