I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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