it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
