her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
