Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
