I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
