whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
