very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
