Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
