hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
