sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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