I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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