my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize