On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
