I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
