Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
