I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
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