I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
