i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My cat gives me a boner
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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