CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
