just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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