So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My vagina is officially offended.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
