thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
