mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize