1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize