I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just found puke in my bra..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
