I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
