i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
