Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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