No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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