i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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