My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize