If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
