Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
