She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
