I want to walk on stilts...naked
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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