so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
