I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
