wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My cat gives me a boner
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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