is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
