I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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