I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
