It's like God shit irony all over that family
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
