There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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