i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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