i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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