the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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