I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize
