writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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