I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
