he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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