Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
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