So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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