Whatcha textin bout Willis?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
What drink are we having for lunch?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize