My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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