Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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